I know that a part of me will always hold back if I ever am with someone else. I know that no one will ever love me as much as Matthew did (I know he still does). That makes me happy but also a little sad. Our love was perfect and I'm so afraid I will never be able to completely be with someone else because of this. It wasn't a divorce, it wasn't meant to happen. It's not like one day he stopped loving me and left me. He couldn't have loved me anymore. I just hope that someday someone new will be able to understand this. Understand that they will always be my second most perfect love. Matthew will always be my true love and my soulmate. So know I just have to find someone who I can love 2nd most in the world.
I divide my life into three chapters so far. Well actually 4. The first being my childhood; this includes all school up until college. My second chapter is my two and a half years with Tripp. My third chapter is my 5 and a half years with Matthew. I am now entering the 4th chapter of my life. A lot else has happened, but it tends to fall into one of these 4 chapters. These are the big ones in my life. Of course this 4th one is the hardest so far. There have been some happy times so far. I have really enjoyed being with my old friends and making new ones. But there is also still a lot of heartache and sadness. I just hope it continues to get a little easier everyday and a little less sad. I'm hopeful about certain aspects of my life and look forward to when I'm hopeful about every aspect.
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