You put your arms around me and I'm home

So much is going on right now. I have felt so restless with several aspects of my life and something big just happened that I think might just be what I am looking for. It's been a really long time since I was this happy in a relationship. I know that sounds horrible, but I mean it in the sense that I am not worried about anything. There isn't anything about him that worries me for the future or if he is "stable" or overcoming struggles of his own. There is a certain feeling of safety and comfort in that. It's very stress free. Which is nice. We have come so far since meeting, I feel like it's been so long. Not more than a few hours go by everyday that we don't talk- not text, but actually talk on the phone. We do that for at least 2 or 3 hours everyday, which sounds crazy to a lot of people, but it's awesome. I never thought I would fall in love so hard and fast and real. It's not just the excitement of it all. We are so similar. It seems like everything I say I like or don't like, he is the exact same. Except for food of course:) We have the same type of upbringing and the same future goals and wants in life. I could talk about him all day long! The way he talks to me, tells me how he feels, even how he holds me makes me know it's the real thing. Its like when we hug we can't get close enough, it's a real hug, not just a "I feel obligated to hug you, so here it is". It really makes me understand all those crazy people who have been caught up in whirlwind romances, who love each other so much after such a short time period. I get it. I really get it now. I guess since we do talk a whole lot, it does make more sense. I know most people who start dating, probably talk a few times a week. Not for hours everyday. I just want to be with him all the time, I would go anywhere and do anything for him. I feel like I have been through so much, that this is my happy ending. And with everything that is up in the air right now, I am really excited and hopeful that it goes as planned and that people will understand and be excited. Life is about taking chances, especially when it comes to love. And like Bella says in my favorite Twilight quote- "I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." That I am:)

SMR

Matthew- so much has happened in the past 2 and a half months since I last wrote. I have come to accept that you are gone and not coming back. I have begun to realize that there are things in this world that you simply cannot control or understand. I guess in a way some things are just meant to happen, no matter how much they hurt us. There is always a new day to follow that will hopefully get a little brighter and brighter. I still have many days where I break down and cry and cry and cry. I still miss you everyday, and I will miss you everyday for the rest of my life. I like to think that you can hear me when I talk to you and that you are watching over me and always being my protector. I read a book about a little boy who went to Heaven for 3 minutes and could describe it all. I watched a few videos on similar occurances too. Things like this give me faith that you are okay. Your birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. I am very much not looking forward to this day. And then of course my birthday is a couple weeks after that.

On a different note- I think I found him. Matthew, I am terrified. I never thought that someone would feel this way about me or that I would feel this way about someone other than you. That is the main thing I have struggled with. The fact that you were so crazy about me and scared I wouldn't have that again. But I do. I do, and it terrifies me. I'm scared that I feel this way, I'm scared that means you and I weren't unique, I just don't know what it all means. I just want to sit and cry because I am so happy, yet so scared and saddened. He is so similar to you in how he talks to me and treats me. I think you two could have been good friends and that makes me happy. I think this is it.