Trying to begin again

I've been spending a lot of time with all of my high school friends. It's comforting being around people who knew me before you. Not that I'm saying I don't want them to think of  you, as I do every 2 seconds. It's just nice to have memories with people who have known me for so long. Most of them for almost 16 years. I just think that's so crazy. How lucky am I to have people I have known for that many years and can still call them friends. I know no one will ever love me like you do. I say do, because I know you still love me, even up in the sky as Logan says. He asks about you every once in a while. He wants to know if I talk to you and why you are in the sky with Casey. I know you are up there rocking with nana and 2pac. Singing Thugs Mansion. I made homemade chocolate pudding yesterday and left a note for mom saying so. I wrote puddin instead of pudding. It made me smile. Sometimes I can't feel you next to me as I so hope you are. I don't like it when I can't feel you. When I'm alone and sad, it seems like I can't feel you holding my hand. But then there are other times when I know you are right beside me. You still protect me and make me feel safe. I think that you were meant to be my angel more than my husband. You are the love of my life and no one will ever replace you. They will just have to deal with being number 2 in my life. I'm going to the mountains this weekend with the group. I wish you could come. You would be having so much fun going out with us lately. I know you are the reason that I reconnected with them. I mean that in a good way! I wouldn't be so close with Brady, Katie, Stephanie, Lizzie and John again if you weren't such an amazing angel. I know you want me to be happy and still live the life we wanted. I know you want me to find love and marriage and have babies. I'm heartbroken you aren't the one that I will be doing it all with. But I'm so lucky to be the one you spent the rest of your life with. I guess all those times I called you my angel, it really meant something.